nostalgia television addict

It’s Time to Ugly Cry, Jonathan Crombie Passed Away

When I learned about it a few days ago I was sobbing uncontrollably. It was an ugly, painful, and soul-crushing cry.

My husband wanted to console me over the loss of my first real-person crush as opposed to my previous crushes. Think Alvin from Alvin and the Chipmunks (the 80s version) or Michelangelo from TMNT.

He kept trying to hug me and be sweet, when I just wanted to be sad and cry and feel the pain of losing one of my longest loved actors and literary characters.

Because in a way, they are both lost now.

Wanting to type this out of my heart, I thought I had numbed the pain.

I thought I was over it, but I’m clearly not.


The ugly cry has returned.

If you have no idea what I’m talking about, here’s a brief synopsis. My first experience with binge-watching TV happened when PBS had their seasonal pledge drive. Anne of Green Gables would play back to back interrupted every so often via pleas for money.


The Anne series was based on the also famous book series by Lucy Maud Montgomery. TBH I didn’t read the books until a few years ago. My Anne/Gilbert love was completely Kevin Sullivan/PBS-based.

sunburstAs a child I clung to fictional characters and their world as a means of escape. Anne’s world was one of my favorites. I would troll our seven channels every weekend over winter and summer break just hoping for it to be on. At some point I discovered I could rent the VHS tapes from my library.

I discovered my bad eyesight while watching Anne

I remember it distinctly. I was sitting in the recliner feet up and blanket on. I’m pretty sure I was sick with a head cold and Anne was playing at the other end of the room. I was seeing Anne and the living room how I always had. It seemed normal for me. But then I saw my Dad had left his glasses on the side table before he went outside in the rain. I thought it would be funny if I put them on and so I did.


Is this how things look? Is this how people see? WHAT?

Everything was so crisp and vibrant. Imagine editing a photo and sliding contrast/sharpness/saturation all the way up. That’s what those few seconds felt like.


Hello Gilbert. I mean I liked you before, but now that I can see you. My heart.

I kind of forgot about Gilbert—I mean only a little—when high school came along. Anne of Green Gables was still one of those things I happened to watch once or twice a year.


Then in my mid-twenties I realized I could ‘stalk’ old crushes on the internet and see what they were up to. Meghan Follows still acted did Jonathan?

Thanks to a little googling circa 2006ish I found Jon was in a Broadway production of The Drowsy Chaperone. And it was playing in Chicago later that year.


And I WENT. I dragged invited my fiancé and two friends. It was great! I mean it was amazing to see Jon on stage doing what he loved. I don’t remember how much I actually loved the story or singing, it was more about seeing part of my childhood irl as an adult.

My sympathies and heartfelt sorrow to everyone who lost a little bit of their heart the other day. Internet hugs for you. xx

television addict

Danny Screwed Up. Did Santigold Save the Day?

I caught up with the season three finale of The Mindy Project and just when I felt like writing off one of the main characters for being an ass, a super heroine—in the form of song—swooped in and saved the day.

The scene changed and Santigold’s L.E.S Artistes started playing.

The music so quickly and effortlessly entered my bloodstream. I didn’t know the song—shameful—so I had to google the lyrics.

How is it possible I never heard this mystical etherial song before? It’s from 2008. Seven years ago. Displaying the biggest sad face ever.

Maybe the song gods will forgive me if I listen to it on repeat for 48 hours straight.

television addict

Three and a Half Seasons into Breaking Bad

walter-white-jesse-pinkmanTwo weeks ago we started watching Breaking Bad (BB). I’m actually pretty surprised it took us this long to dive in.

Back in 2011 when we were apartment hunting in Portland over the 4th of July we chose to skip a big city’s firework festivities and instead embrace a BB marathon until three in the morning. We couldn’t stop watching that night, yet somehow here we are a good five years later and beginning the journey anew with faint remembrances of what we saw so long ago.

I always feel weird watching a show with main characters that I can’t relate to on a surface level, whether it’s because I don’t do the things they do or I would never hang out with someone like them.

At first.

Somehow, I quickly become accustomed to the fact that I am rooting for the person about to murder, cheat, escape, and the list goes on.

If it’s a well written show, those surface level characteristics fade away—sort of—as you get to know the meth maker, gambler, mobster, or serial killer. You get to know the other side. The side that embodies all of those quirky human traits that are relatable.

The character that wants to…

  • protect their family
  • punish the bad people
  • have their _________ validated
  • make their family proud
  • prove everyone wrong
  • enjoys a cold beer or good cup of coffee
  • be better than the last mistake they made

Back to Breaking Bad…

Thoughts on the Characters

Walter White

He’s a brilliant chemist teaching bored apathetic high schoolers while watching his peers chase after and attain success. He’s let the world mount his shoulders to the point of emasculation with everyone around him talking about him and making decisions for him as if he’s not in the room.

Cancer. Shaved head. Making meth. Not just any meth. Perfect chemically stable meth.

A new riskier Walt emerges from the shaved-hair and chemo ashes.

Walt has rage. Rage he’s been internalizing.

I need the bromance of Walt and Jesse. I’m upset when they fight and put each other in danger only to rescue one or the other at the last minute.


I would avoid Jesse like the plague in real life. If there’s one thing my Dad taught me it’s guilty by association. I abandoned any real life druggie friends when I graduated high school. But. I. Can’t. Get. Enough. of Jesse.

I don’t know what it is. I watch him and I want him to succeed. I want him to stay clean. I want him to realize his talents and pursue them when he leaves meth behind. When Walt verbally accosts him, I just want to protect him and tell him everything will be okay.

I think I love these complicated, co-dependent relationships so much because I can observe them from the safety of my couch. I won’t be talked into giving Jesse a ride to the junk yard where x, y, or z could happen. I’m safe. On my couch.


Watching from the couch, I cannot stand her. I call her terrible names. Terribly wonderful names.

I want her to leave Walt alone. Let him make his own decisions I say. Except when I realize if Jeremy had cancer I’d probably ride the selfish horse too.

IRL I’d champion her. Kick that deadbeat to the curb, I’d say. Except for her passive aggressive manipulation. I don’t condone that.


Not much to say here except that I think he’s a fantastic character so far. I love how ‘little’ he thinks of Walt. I can’t imagine what it will be like when he finds out about Walt. I’m guessing that happens at some point.


I can’t stand her as much as I can’t stand Skylar. Last night I was trying to imagine how annoying their parents must be. Or they are completely wonderful.

Other notes

  • I love the tight story writing/story arcs. It’s beautifully woven.
  • During the 2nd season is when I started to notice the colors. Green = Walt. Purple = Marie. I’m afraid to delve into the BB color wikia, I’m sure it’s full of spoilers.
  • How weird it is to celebrate a show that highlights a drug that ruins people’s lives. Blue rock candy cupcakes. Blue rock candy in baggies at parties.
  • How have they made it half way without any real muscle or weaponry?
  • Did Aaron Paul start BB as his character on Big Love was wrapping up?
  • I read somewhere that Jesse started as a one-season character. I can’t imagine this show without the dynamics between Walt and him.
  • How do they get out of the new fancy cooking laboratory? Is there a buzzer that buzzes somewhere upstairs and they are let out. Or just a button from below that opens it up.

That’s all for now. Please no spoilers.