exercise journal

Notes I’ve Written to Myself in the Last Year Since Starting Weightlifting


March 14: I trust myself. I trust my body.

March 18: Investing in my current + future self

March 19: Trust in your body, it knows what to do.

March 22: I am doing the best for my body + my body knows what to do.

March 25: I’m grateful for my body and trust in its wisdom. [not sure if I really felt this today]

March 27 – LTG: I want to and will feel good with my 1st few steps out of bed in the morning.

April 1: I see results when I put in the right amount of work/mindset. I just started week 5 of this plan and see changes in my body composition even though the scale hasn’t moved much.

April 3: No one is going to care as much as you do. It takes time.

April 8: I see myself getting stronger + healthier and MAINTAINING that for the rest of my life.

April 12: I am building muscle! • It’s okay to be hungry • I can see my upper abs even at 194lb! Sweating A LOT, it feels good!

April 14: It’s okay to be a little hungry 🙂

April 24: Find external focuses other than food/cooking/recipes/old food blog type stuff.

April 30: Think about more unilateral movements to improve overall “everyday” strength and flexibility-maybe as a superset (ss)

May 1: Stay focused. Don’t procrastinate.

May 21: Your mind gives up before your body.

July 15: I’m in control of my life.

August 28: Isolated movements like below really seem to keep me “present” on all the little muscles worked.

December 4: Tired today but I did it!

December 12: TIRED LEGS – UGH is how I felt.


February 12: Started doing exercise “set” all together with 1 minute rests. First time trying this in almost a year of weightlifting. I felt muscles were more focused and tired/worked – in a good way.

February 17: I want to prioritize sleep!

February 18: Pretty good leg and hip power

February 19-mantra: I am healthy as I can be. My nails are strong and feeling really good.

February 20: When I’m eating to fit a moving calorie target that’s based on my daily activity & deficit—that could be different everyday—it feels like A LOT of work that becomes tiring and obsessive vs. when I set a calorie goal based on a weeks average with macronutrient goals—this all feels so relaxing and my body/digestion feel really good.

February 21: I’ve got this! I’m strong and have done some amazing work to get here!

February 24: Focus on macros. There are no bad foods. [there are no bad foods but there are foods that fuck with my digestion, but that is a whole different thing-this is about categorizing foods as good or bad]

exercise Reflection

Is Running Like Cutting?

I ran three times last week.

In my quest to love running or at least like it enough, I decided I needed to look at it in a new light. My current state of mind is that I’d like to do any other cardio activity first before I would even consider the slow torture of a run.

Is Running Like Cutting?Give me cycling. Jumping on a rebounder. Seven minute HIIT workouts. Anything.

The problem is that I see people running, like all the time, especially when I’m cycling, and they look like they’re enjoying it. I could be imagining it, but I think the large majority of them do like it. And they’re fit.

So it also seems like the easiest way to lose that extra 20-25 pounds and maintain the weight loss. Especially when I love food and blog about food and am always creating recipes.

Is Running Like Cutting?The big question.

How can I finally like running too? How do I push myself to keep at it and get through the painful part. The hopeless part.

During my second run last week (I’ve been using the Ease into Running app) I began wondering if running was like cutting.

For the record, I’m 32 and haven’t cut since I was twenty or twenty-one. I used to cut pretty regularly in high school. I saw a friend do it and was fascinated. At the time it provided a way for me to feel control over circumstances in my life. I was in control of inflicted pain. I was in control of how deep or dark it went.

Looking back, I understand that wasn’t really control, but also that was the only skill or tool I knew that gave me the release I was looking for.

I’ve never regretted that I chose that route, but I am grateful I outgrew it.

It’s true I outgrew cutting, but I’m not so sure I outgrew the impulse that causes it. I think I transferred it to a mix of overeating and tv watching. Both food and escape into a different universe provide a cathartic effect, the same as I found with cutting.

I feel more control over my life than I did as a child. Maybe that’s why the severity of the action is more subdued??

Food and TV for as innocent as they are still have negative results.

Food when eaten beyond the limits of caloric and nutrient necessity contributes to weight gain, alters the natural state of hormonal balance, and contributes to higher cholesterol and myriad of other health issues.

TV watching often charges my creativity, but if I don’t do anything with that creativity it’s a lost charge as well as lost time. Time that I could’ve been doing a million other productive things that directly allow me to grow as a human.

I tend to have a high tolerance for pain, but because of cutting and the end of an era, I definitely feel like I avoid pain compared to my younger self.

Comprehending the enjoyment of running means that I have to tolerate and like the pain that comes with it. That muscle and lung pain that starts when my body is pushed beyond comfort.

It’s hard to think about enduring and enjoying that discomfort when I’ve tried so hard to avoid it, but if I’m even a little honest, there was a teeny shimmer of excitement that ran straight up my spine when I first posed the question.

Is Running Like Cutting?Running is totally socially acceptable. Cutting is not.

Thinking of the two synonymously might get me excited to endure the pain and push through it. I want that to eventually change though.

I don’t want running to be a negative thing.

I want it to be a healthy, healing, renewing, and positive thing.

So does intention determine all of that?

Pushing through.

Listening to Depeche Mode on rdio.